Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize