just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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