god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
