I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
