Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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