he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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