i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
