I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
