Your tits are I can't wait for
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
