i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize