What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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