the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
