i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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