Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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