Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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