Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
