Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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