i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
