its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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