Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
