Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
