so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
