Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
