I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Less talking, more tequila
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
