Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
