im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
