I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
