Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
