Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
