My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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