3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
