DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
