I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
birth control should be required to get into college
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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