three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
