theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
