Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
