Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize