"it" just moved
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My ass is underappreciated
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
