THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
