there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
how drunk are you?
Several
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
