He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
