after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
