we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
