My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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