i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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