His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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