guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
