i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
