If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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