shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
