hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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