when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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