I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
