he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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