Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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