Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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