Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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