If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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