You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm bleeding and have questions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
