she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DRUNK COOKIES
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