your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
