i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
