I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
