Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
