Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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