i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
