You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
