i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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