totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
