i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
