At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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