i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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