I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
