Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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