***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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