i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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