I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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