Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
