the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
whose parrot is this?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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