You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
