just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
