Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
