Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
