so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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