does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
