PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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