this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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