i was born a porn star she said
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize