Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
