I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
