I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
