He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
