and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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