1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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