and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just sent this text using only my big toe
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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