Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
a search helicopter?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
