theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Bring me that man meat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
