They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
