Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
