that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You need a sexual gate keeper
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
