If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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