I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
