matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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