Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize