come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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