Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
