Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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