Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
