your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
