she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
