Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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