I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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